Lost in Translation
by Misya
Summary: TFA. Optimus is afraid that the Autobots might be a bad influence on Sari.


Sari was sitting in front of the TV with Optimus and Ratchet. The kid was eating a slice of cold pizza, when a huge, greasy piece of tomato fell off and landed in her lap.

"Frag!"

Optimus choked on the oil he was drinking and shot a panicked look at Ratchet, who just seemed amused. The old mech went back to the Earthling science journal he was reading, leaving Optimus to deal with things by himself.

"Sari? You shouldn't say that," Optimus said, leaning over to address the tiny human. "You do know what it means, right?"

Sari picked up the piece of tomato and picked the lint off it. "I dunno. I just hear Bumblebee say it a lot. I thought it was like saying, 'oh damn' or 'poop' or something like that," she replied, before popping the tomato in her mouth.

"Bumblebee," Optimus repeated, narrowing his optics.

* * *

After Sari had gone to bed, Optimus called a meeting in the living room. "Guys. We need to stop swearing around Sari so much."

"Don't look at me," Bumblebee said, causing Bulkhead, Ratchet and Prowl to look at him in unison.

"I'm not pointing fingers. We're all guilty of it," Optimus replied. "And she's starting to copy us. I don't know much about humans, but I do know that eight-year old protoforms aren't meant to swear like troopers. That's why I think we should do something about it. Therefore, in future, every time someone swears with Sari present, they have to add an extra hour on to their next patrol shift..."

Bumblebee interrupted. "But 'slag' and 'frag' aren't real swear-words! I mean, sure, they're based on swear words in Cybertronian, but our translator software can't process them properly in to human-speak, so they come out as sounding like 'slag' and 'frag'!"

"He has a point," Prowl said. He seemed mildly surprised by the fact that he was agreeing with Bumblebee. "'Frag' sounds nothing like the original Cybertronian pronunciation. It's a pidgin word. Our software has trouble interpreting colloquialisms and regional dialect."

Optimus crossed his arms. "We all know what slag and frag mean within context, though."

"What if we just swore in Cybertronian?" Ratchet said. "Sari will have no idea that you're saying, and she sure-as-slag won't be able to repeat it. Her organic ears probably can't even process all of the sound frequencies involved."

Bulkhead held up his hands. "Whoa. I'm not switchin' between English and Cybertronian just so's I can swear. They're completely different languages, and it takes me ages to correct my translator settings when I change stuff like that. I mean, that's pretty much why we all speak English all the time, anyway. 'Cos it's easier."

Ratchet peered at him, and frowned. "Didn't they let you download a new translator patch for free, while you were in boot camp?"

The four younger bots all shook their heads.

"Slag it," Ratchet muttered. "Lousy fraggin public healthcare cutbacks..."

Optimus made a quiet 'ahem' noise. "Alternatively, we could just_ stop swearing _so much."

"But if Sari says 'frag', other humans won't know what she means!" Bumblebee said, exasperated.

Optimus shook his head. "Perhaps, but it's just not right, having a protoform swear like..." _Like what? Like a repair bot? _"We'll have a vote to determine whether or not we should try my idea, alright? All in favor, raise your hand."

Prowl was the first to grudgingly raise his hand. Bulkhead followed. Ratchet hmphed, then did the same.

Bumblebee just crossed his arms, and groaned, out-voted.

* * *

Strangely enough, Optimus' idea actually worked, although Bumblebee had spent so many extra hours out on patrol that his tire treads were beginning to wear away. The idea had been a bit too successful. Optimus reflected on this as, weeks later, he found himself sitting in the living room with Ratchet and Sari again, watching a TV show about shark attacks.

The human child had a glass of orange juice. She was so engrossed in the television that, when she lifted the glass for a sip, she missed her mouth, spilling some of the orange juice down the front of her dress.

"Balls!" she yelled.

Optimus and Ratchet both looked at each other.

"What was that all about?" Ratchet muttered.

"Not a clue," Optimus quietly replied. "But at least she's stopped saying frag."


End file.
